You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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