So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
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