So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
