Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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