Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
