At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
