I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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