i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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