i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
