I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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