this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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