TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
