So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
