i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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