Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
