also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Randomize
