So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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