ya dads aren't the best wingmen
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
