WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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