drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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