Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Boobs speak an international language.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
