Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
We don't watch enough power rangers
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
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