the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
