id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
