It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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