i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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