it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
