Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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