It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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