if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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