im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
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