me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
