I need help removing her.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
