he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
