I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Randomize
