last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
