Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
