Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
he puts the penis in happiness.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
