I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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