Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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