New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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