I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Boobs are out for the taking
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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