I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
