I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
