Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
