Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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