Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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