Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
