bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
