One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
