She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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