Pregnant stripper...not hot.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
