I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Non-Jews are for practice
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
